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Cause life's like this.

Posted on Sun.December.03 at 8:19 pm
Current Mood: excitedexcited
Current Music: I found out today, everything is not okay.
I'm in love with Rachel.
Shes my bestest friend.
And i would literally die without her.
And were amazing together
And come up with crazy ideas together.
And we just have great chemistry.
I'm glad we found eachother.

so much.

Yesterday was awesome. Today was nice :-). Both involving Rachel. yesterdayyyy, i went out to dinner with her family and their friends. and her mother made me sad. and i got all emo and i wanted to die. it was sad. but i was overreacting and it was just stupid. her mother doesnt really love me. its okay.

and today i hung out there for a bit. we watched Harry Potter and snowboarded and played Uno and ate candy and were dorks. amazing dorks.

My nails are so disgusting. Like, they make me angry to look at. i find it completely stupid and immature. and i think its depressing that I bite my nails so much. Im just a nervous person and i need some way of expressing it without going insane. they bleed so effing much. the same with my toenails. like, every weekend, i sit down, pull out a nail clipper and just rip them to shreads. usually i do it when im really nervous. gah. my big toe gets infected so much because i just tear it apart. i wish i could stop. maybe that'll be on my christmas list to god. But my ocd is getting better and i've stopped seeing the psychologist. and im going to stop the medication soon. sigh. im kind of relieved.

i think i might become a psychiatrist when i grow up. there are so few of them that they get paid really well. and i guess that its just a psychologist who can perscribe medication. someone correct me if im wrong please. i dont know, i just think it might be a nice way of making money.

i was thinking a lot about marriage and shit today. rachel's comment about it really triggered it. i really dont need to be married at all. i could be perfectly happy alone, not even in a relationship, down in the city having fun and shiatt. and i think id rather do that until im like 30, having fun and crap rather then focusing on having a family. you know? it'd be a lot more fun then worrying about kids and marriage and shit. and i always looked at my older sister, whos turning 30 soon and in no relationship, and i was like HEATHER YOU'RE LOOSING TIME. and shes really not, you know? i guess id rather find the right person later on in life then get in a stupid relationship because i thought i needed it. and then really, why spend money on marriage when its really nothing different then being together without being married? rachel said that. and i never really thought about it. i dont know, it cant be much different. and having kids while not married, i think is easier than if you were married and had kids. its just so much legally easy anyway. i dont know, just thinking and shit.

what an amazing entry.


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