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Life's not going too great.

Posted on Thu.November.30 at 9:14 pm
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
Current Music: NONE.
Things arent as great as i wish they were.

ive just been really short with people lately and flipping out a lot. I was really pissed off at lunch for no reason, and kristy put her hand on my arm and i flipped fucking out. GAH. i hate being touched. so much. it freaks the shit out of me. i hate people touching me. especcially when im angry. it totally just breaks me down. and im not being overexaggerative like i know some people are about this kind of shit and i wish there was a way to prove that, but i cant. so people will just have to take my word for it. and if i DO get that way, i usually attempt to leave, therefore, depriving myself of attention. im sorry to those i hurt.

school academically is going allright. like a B+ overall probably. or an A- and im okay with that. im not looking forward to anything after this weekend for a while. I like looking forward to things. GAH.

im so boring. and i hate my life. and i think. that if i had the choice to die somehow. i would choose suicide. or a car crash. or falling out of a tree or something. something quick and painless. almost. at least very close. because pain is scary. my mom once told my doctor that i had a pain tolerance of about a half out of 10. and i was likeeeeeeeee jesus. way to make me think im weak.

So ive felt really fat lately and ive been trying to eat less. or just eat less stupid stuff. so all i eat is lunch and maybe a little dinner. im doing okay with it. im just obsessing myself over rachel or school or reading to keep my mind off of it and its been working. except im so exhausted all the time now. and its because of that damn podcast keith and the girl. in fact, im done with it. i dont enjoy it and therefore, im just going to delete them all. which surprises myself because i downloaded 400 of them on an OCD whim. k. i just did it. they're gone. and im still pretty tired.

i think that im going to try pot eventually. eventually. not soon probably. maybe. you never know. i think that everyone should probably try it. im curious. you know? i dont think anyone can do anything about their curiousity. it literally takes over people.

my throat hurts really bad. and its been like this since yesterday. i cant really swallow without it hurting.

what an uplifting entry.

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