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They say I was running butt naked down the street screaming "AH AH AH AH!"

Posted on Sun.October.15 at 8:14 pm
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
Current Music: S Club 7 - Show Me Your Colors
my head hurts. i just did an entire powerpoint presentation for my group and a 5 page packet worksheet for the class because my workmates gave me the information without my knowledge that they wouldnt be able to do their parts of the powerpoint and then they would use that excuse later.

growl. fuck them.

im really really really really lonely right now. rachel seems really mad at me and i just dont feel like i have many friends at all. i just feel like i need someone. i want to go out with someone. sigh. i know it. i need attention. but its just sad. its really pathetic how much i rely on others for social attention. i wish i didnt, but i do. and im afraid i push people away when i dont get attention. because i do. i get all lonely and i want to be away from everyone and when im like it, im really emotional and very very little things can send me off on a tantrum inside. and then people get frusterated with me and then i get sad because i think they hate me, and to me they do. and its just really really really hard to live like this. i need someone :-(. and then when i get themmmmmmmm im like. fuck you. im afraid of commitment blah blah blah. i confuse myself.

Yesterday was homecoming at the highschool. its a pretty good example of how i needed someone. everyone had someone and i just felt alone. it was sad. overall there wasnt much dancing. mandy felt all insecure and looked really lonely so i was with her instead of dancing, which was okay with me. shes a really good person. eventually i coaxed her to get out there with me and it was fun. i think the relationship i have with girls is really complicated. because i think of them as really good friends and my flirty personality gets them going, and then im afraid of it being awkward and then it really gets awkward. and its just sad. gahh. even on tv. i just watched Neds Declassified on Nickelodeon and it ended with ned and his crush walking down the hall holding hands. GAH. it rips me apart inside. and i just want to cry in a corner and die. i hate the world :-(. sigh. at the end of the dance, i actually saw liyah which was really really REALLY amazing because i havent seen her in so long. so we had a moment. i guess she had to clean up the place after we left for some reason. i dont know. i was happy i saw her.

i got 2 new pants and a new sweatshirt today. i will be wearing a new outfit tomorrow, it shall be very exciting.

peace out.

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